Change

It's common to think of a new year in terms of "resolutions." A new year brings a clean slate. It's thought of as a fresh start, and a good excuse for a least some amount of thoughtful retrospection on one's life, endeavors, and goals. For me, though, a new year is more of a continuation than a resolve. Rather than make those age-old New Years Resolutions, I tend to think in terms of changes I can make to promote my philosophy on life. Now, if only I could narrow down a succinct life-philosophy. Ha.

In general, as evidenced by this blog, (and thanks in large part to my mother) I've decided I need to strive for balance...and learn from my blunders. So, learning, growing, and deliberation have become defining words in my life. With those words lurking around every thought, plan, and idea I had, I was practically forced to consider what parts of my life are in need of better balance, intention, and investigation.

So, here's what changes are in store for the new year around here.

First, our TV is gone. We'd been tossing around the idea since we got married. That's a lot of debate for 2.5 years! Well it's been a big change, let me tell you. Not that we watched a lot of TV, but I know we still managed to watch too much, as my overall productivity has greatly increased since said tele was banished to the basement. Yeah yeah, we didn't actually throw it out. Baby steps. Now, instead of collapsing in exhaustion in front of sitcoms at the end of a long day, I'm forced to do more productive things. Things such as shoot the breeze with Hubs, get caught up on some long-negelected chore (our fridge is now spotless! Hurray! :D), exercise, read, craft, or any number of beneficial activities.

Second, we now have big, yet realistic plans for our property. Putting more thought into how my time is spent, I'm endeavoring to tackle all the "finishing touches" our house still needs. Curtains, unpacked boxes, wall art -- I will not let another year go by without finishing these details! Trust me, I'm frustrated they've sat undone this long. Also, in regards to our property, we're planning to undertake a huge project this spring: a garden. The seeds have been ordered. Now, a few supplies are left to be gathered, and overall, I'm feeling really optimistic about this pursuit. As long as most of the plants grow, I'll be happy. Then again, that might be asking for a lot. We'll find out!

Third, and perhaps most importantly for me and my walk with Christ, I want to invest more time and effort into my hobbies, and into living. So, I'm going part-time at work. And I'm going to be crafting more, cooking more, working out more, reading more, ministering to others more, learning about my Lord more, and just living more. I will be "sucking the marrow out of life," so to speak. Because who doesn't want to carpe diem? I was challenged years ago when I heard the phrase "do something every day that scares you." I'm kinda just a little scared to even attempt that feat! But hey, while I'm living, might as well live on the edge a little, right?

My "fear" in today's activities, for example, includes making homemade yogurt for the first time. I know I know, not a huge scary event. But I HATE when I fail at things (especially recipes), so this is a bit of a fearful afternoon as I wait for the results of my curdling milk. The point is, I don't want to feel restricted in my intentional living just because of fear. The hard part is, fear certainly isn't always gripping or terrorizing or obvious. Fear, for me, typically just slips in unnoticed when I try to make a simple decision. It tells me I might not make the right one. It sits quietly on my shoulder and twinges here or there as the unknown unfolds before me each day. It often looks innocent enough, that I might not even know it's running my life. It stands proudly between me and my relationship with Jesus, but I'm too scared to kick it out of the way. Funny.

Yes, life will see some changes this year (and it already has!). Probably more changes than I want, really. For the worst, or for the best, change is as inevitable as the fear and apprehension that accompany it. And that's why this new year will require more balance and produce more blunders than ever.

~*He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson*~